Yeah well life is still miserable I am a freaking junior is half year one semester missing meaning 3 semesters until my graduations. Three freaking semesters of watching that stupid face all over me saying how ugly I am and me accepting it quietly just because there is something inside me that wants to kiss him.
Remember that dream I told you a couple of months ago? I am not sure who it is but until now I still want it to be him. I still want to be beside him although I want to kill him the next time I see him. On January my mind will be confused between hate and not knowing, love.
My whole blog is about love but im 16 once again and to tell you the truth, this guy is the first time I have ever loved someone, like real love. I have never dated, all glee, never been kissed. This was my first broken heart and with a love that I have to admit has been inside me since freshmen year.
I can't see how I did not accept it until now and all of a sudden this mess happens.
Eli invited all of us to the movies, you remember, and we went to lala's only he lala and I. She left us 2 seconds alone and it was horrible.
Hate life
no ofense
XOXO
Angela
domingo, 19 de diciembre de 2010
sábado, 18 de diciembre de 2010
December 18 of 2010 7:15 pm
Sorry for not writing in a long while but my life has been a complete mess these last couple of months. Lets start with the begging of the end.
You know how I was in love with Adam and I thought it was an Adam not a Phillip. I was really happy with my current group of friends, we had plan going to my farm for thanks giving and only my dearest friends knew my secret. "Adam" thought I was in love with Phil a really nice guy form school and that was my scheme until I was sure he liked me the way I liked him.
One week before Thanks giving I invited Mary, Luna, lala and TT (another friend of mine) to my house. We where having fun until my Black Berry rang. FB had sent me an email saying that people where comenting on my new relationship. I was not in a relationship and when I turned lala and TT where laughing.
They had changed my relationship form single to in a relationship with Adam. I was crushed, if he saw that and did not liked me our friendship would go to the floor, but if he did maybe it was a chance to move on. Everyone in the grade called me saying congrats, I faked I was confused so that there was more IDK mystery. Adam called Mary after a while. She putted the loud speaker. He started screaming all over about how I was ugly my hair was horrible and he didn't like me. I was mad I decide to ignore the part that he didn't like me and focus on the ugly I decided to follow the game.
He then called me mad as hell to tell me about it. I first said his entire name and then told him to explain the situation. He started saying how everyone called him and how he was mad. I told him what happened while secretly laughing, I then said mad " IDK my boyfriend should know what the F is happening, I swear I am going to talk with the HS office" he said alright and hanged up.
Minutes later he called Mary again and told her how I called desperately and was crying. nailed it I thought and then things got out of control. He started talking about how I was dumb, how my reputation is really horrible and that from all our group I was the biggest loser, wannabe and good knows what else. I ran to the bathroom crying forgetting about my guests. When I came back to the room they gave me a hug and I felt better. For the first time in my entire life I had a broken heart, he had gone deep down and then destroyed it.
After they all left I went up to my room and cried my parents thought I went to sleep but the truth is my world had come to an end. At least I had my friends to support me. That was a Friday. Weekend was hard although I had a retreat that helped me forget the whole situation but not as much as I thought. Sunday night he sent me a text. "Is there any chem homework?" I was mad how the hell does he dare to treat me that way and then just ask for chem Hw. I did not answer.
He called me a few minutes after that. I answered and said IDK. "You know angie you dont know how to hide when your mad, just tell me what happened?" I was mad as hell, I just told him I was tired and hung up the phone. I called mary and she helped me through.
Monday I told Elizabeth, and Adam now Phillip came to talk to me, I just left. Those two days was me against him. All the groups against one same individual. For me Phillip became the normal guy he was before I liked him but now he was on the black list. Wednesday came and I had glee club, yes we opened a glee club, with him. We had to do duets and before the problem I asked him to be m partner which now meant neither him or I had a partner. Thay gave us time to rehearse and I went with the senior whose partners did not come. He called my name. Can I talk to you?. I was said yes.
That was the most beautiful apology I ever heard we where friends again, I knew he wouldnt do it again so we where friends but now I did not liked him. Mary was still mad at him. I spent a marvelous thanks giving with my friends and then Monday came. Mary was mad because I was friends with him again.
We haven't spoken since but I am getting ahead. He and I where happy as friends until next week when he apologized with Mary too but she wouldn't talk to me. We two have gone to the movies twice with Elizabeth and Laura and Tina and Wendy but we haven't talked since.
Real problem, I think I made a horrible mistake, I shouldn't have said yes that Wednesday at glee club and I lost a great friend I really cared for because of someone who doesn't deserve my friendship.
Another problem, I cant stop thinking about him, hes becoming a Phillip tough I try to forget him. FU life!!!!!!!
Good news I can now drive and I am on winter vacations.
I am going to Lima and try to forget this whole deal.
XOXO
Angela
PDS: I dont know what to do right now
based on a true story
You know how I was in love with Adam and I thought it was an Adam not a Phillip. I was really happy with my current group of friends, we had plan going to my farm for thanks giving and only my dearest friends knew my secret. "Adam" thought I was in love with Phil a really nice guy form school and that was my scheme until I was sure he liked me the way I liked him.
One week before Thanks giving I invited Mary, Luna, lala and TT (another friend of mine) to my house. We where having fun until my Black Berry rang. FB had sent me an email saying that people where comenting on my new relationship. I was not in a relationship and when I turned lala and TT where laughing.
They had changed my relationship form single to in a relationship with Adam. I was crushed, if he saw that and did not liked me our friendship would go to the floor, but if he did maybe it was a chance to move on. Everyone in the grade called me saying congrats, I faked I was confused so that there was more IDK mystery. Adam called Mary after a while. She putted the loud speaker. He started screaming all over about how I was ugly my hair was horrible and he didn't like me. I was mad I decide to ignore the part that he didn't like me and focus on the ugly I decided to follow the game.
He then called me mad as hell to tell me about it. I first said his entire name and then told him to explain the situation. He started saying how everyone called him and how he was mad. I told him what happened while secretly laughing, I then said mad " IDK my boyfriend should know what the F is happening, I swear I am going to talk with the HS office" he said alright and hanged up.
Minutes later he called Mary again and told her how I called desperately and was crying. nailed it I thought and then things got out of control. He started talking about how I was dumb, how my reputation is really horrible and that from all our group I was the biggest loser, wannabe and good knows what else. I ran to the bathroom crying forgetting about my guests. When I came back to the room they gave me a hug and I felt better. For the first time in my entire life I had a broken heart, he had gone deep down and then destroyed it.
After they all left I went up to my room and cried my parents thought I went to sleep but the truth is my world had come to an end. At least I had my friends to support me. That was a Friday. Weekend was hard although I had a retreat that helped me forget the whole situation but not as much as I thought. Sunday night he sent me a text. "Is there any chem homework?" I was mad how the hell does he dare to treat me that way and then just ask for chem Hw. I did not answer.
He called me a few minutes after that. I answered and said IDK. "You know angie you dont know how to hide when your mad, just tell me what happened?" I was mad as hell, I just told him I was tired and hung up the phone. I called mary and she helped me through.
Monday I told Elizabeth, and Adam now Phillip came to talk to me, I just left. Those two days was me against him. All the groups against one same individual. For me Phillip became the normal guy he was before I liked him but now he was on the black list. Wednesday came and I had glee club, yes we opened a glee club, with him. We had to do duets and before the problem I asked him to be m partner which now meant neither him or I had a partner. Thay gave us time to rehearse and I went with the senior whose partners did not come. He called my name. Can I talk to you?. I was said yes.
That was the most beautiful apology I ever heard we where friends again, I knew he wouldnt do it again so we where friends but now I did not liked him. Mary was still mad at him. I spent a marvelous thanks giving with my friends and then Monday came. Mary was mad because I was friends with him again.
We haven't spoken since but I am getting ahead. He and I where happy as friends until next week when he apologized with Mary too but she wouldn't talk to me. We two have gone to the movies twice with Elizabeth and Laura and Tina and Wendy but we haven't talked since.
Real problem, I think I made a horrible mistake, I shouldn't have said yes that Wednesday at glee club and I lost a great friend I really cared for because of someone who doesn't deserve my friendship.
Another problem, I cant stop thinking about him, hes becoming a Phillip tough I try to forget him. FU life!!!!!!!
Good news I can now drive and I am on winter vacations.
I am going to Lima and try to forget this whole deal.
XOXO
Angela
PDS: I dont know what to do right now
based on a true story
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